YMonday, December 26, 2005
stop all this mental torture please. i beg of you. just once is enuf.seriously. i get it now!
why can't u just let me be? let me be me..and i'll show u wat u wana see..i promise you.
stop hurting me please..u r my fuckin parents!!! fuck all tis shyt. ur haunting me.
my brain cells are dying..corrupted by u and ur vitriolic criticism. im hurt enough by being born into this world with people like u to get used to.
im just a girl..whose constantly curious and unaware. i like to take the chance to experience new things..just like every other human being in this world. is there anything wrong with that mum?????? what is wrong with being with my sister?! what is wrong with having friends who make me smile when u cant do that?!?! tel me wats wrong with all that and i'll try my best to compromise. u are vindictive and maimed by ur other half that u dun take the time to understand me. he made u shout at me so that he'd be in my "good book".
goodness dad ur just in a state of denial. afraid of the shadows of ur past.
what did u do last tym huh? why are u so afraid of me straying?? tell me..
fill in the blanks cuz i wana noe.NO.i already noe.and im ASHAMED of u. im disappointed in you and it will never disappear.dun weri, it wun go away.
and please dun worry-i wun wana be like you. i'll try my best not to end up like you or mum. and dun worry i wun hate you. i wasnt thought to hate. but i AM very much prone to hurt.
keep hurting me. keep asking me what is gona become of me. keep doin that. and i'l prove it to u. i SWEAR i'l prove it to u. i'll show u how much i dun need u. even if it kills me to get to that level. i'll prove it to you. this is my promise to you.
mum..i cant believe u could do this to me..hurt me like u duno me. with the werds u say..
"u've always bring me down.and i duno wat to do wit u"..-ALWAYS mum?? really?
have i not make u happy? the love that i showed and the empathy isnt enough?
the money isnt enough? the sacrifice isnt enuf?
wat is enuf then to make u happy?? tell me..please.
please dad..stop torturing me mentally..i cant help cryin every nite over tis. over you.
i cant cry no more..cuz my tears just wun roll to my cheeks..cuz its dried out by you.
please dad..just tell me what u want. dun neglect me.
perhaps, u've disowned me.wth
y am i begging for all this??!! when they dun even care about how i'd feel with every statement they made. im bruised badly.feeling more hollow, troglodytic and uncherished.
just remeber please, that NOT everything is about the dollars and cents..its not all about the shyts that u've given me. i thank you fer that anyhows.
i noe i've been through tis tons of tymes..but none of it wit mum involved.
goodness..is it really wrong to spend time with my sister? MY SISTER!!!
GOD.help me please..im lost and confused. and im stewed over by all this.
tell me to be patient-i've kept my silence and didnt retaliate.
tell me to hang in there-i've been goin through too much of this.
i cant take tis.i quit trying to be your "dream", your "only hope".
MUM.DAD.I OFFICIALLY QUIT. sorry to disappoint u further.
guess that's nothing new huh?
well..this hurt and torments that u've caused aint new either.
may God bless you.
_callous_ was here with you at
